Accountability

There is a picture forming in my head, with concepts spinning around, to do, I think, with accountability, but somehow all the words seem insufficient.

Like most of the world, I was reflecting on Putin’s invasion of the Ukraine and the fact that he was allowed to march into another sovereignty and begin killing, bombing and doing whatever he liked. And nobody could really stop him.

I’m aware that this is a very simplistic summary, but he’s not the first to invade somewhere and probably won’t be the last. Britain has done it’s share of invading too.

But my thoughts went mainly to the phenomenon of autocratic governments, dictators and those who set themselves up with absolute power. Like wannabe deities. What struck me was that they do not seem to be accountable, or answerable, to anyone!

At some point in the climb, either brute force, or charisma, or an established custom took the person to a place of power, where they then decided to assume total power, without consequence.

This is a dangerous place to be and seems to cause a kind of insanity. We know the expression, ‘Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’.

There is no boundary. If a person disagrees, or disobeys, they are likely to face punishment. They surround themselves with ‘yes-men’, who encourage them and, like some of our monarchs used to do, they satisfy their every whim at the expense of others, or else, ‘off with the head!

In our western democratic-style governments, leaders do not have absolute power (although Parliamentary Sovereignty is a very interesting notion), but they have their power limited to what will be accepted by the party they represent and by the voters. They have to win and maintain their position by persuasion, or else they are voted out. They are accountable to the status-quo maintained by the system and to the voters. If they overstep the mark and go off party lines, they can lose the job.

This happens in all levels of society – there are laws, rules, boundaries and expectations that most people follow in order to not face the punishment or consequences reserved for those who break the rules. This may be in school, within the family hierarchy, in the workplace and in society at large.

Most of us do not obey solely to avoid punishment. We obey sometimes out of love and respect for the leader, or because we respect the wisdom of laws and the standards such laws seek to protect and maintain.

All of us are accountable to someone in the pecking order. A parent, teacher, boss, spouse, group, organisation.

Even if one of them is a bully, they can only go so far, before the one to whom they are accountable calls them in.

I once witnessed a boy of only 10 years who was a tyrant to his helpless mother and completely without boundaries. It was very sad, in that he became obese in his boundless greed, was friendless because of his selfishness and rage and he became depressed.

You may have a parent who is a complete tyrant and bully at home, but they know they are breaking the law of the land and they live in some fear of being discovered and face the consequences of that law.

Accountability is an expectation and a check and balance with those to whom you are answerable. In a simple example, I promise something and I do it. You employ me, I do what you employ me to do.

There was once a time when I thought that accountability applied only as far as I didn’t get caught! But that was because I feared punishment. I feared all authority figures, but had little respect for most of them.

When I became a parent, I still struggled with the notion of discipline and consequences, but many years later, I now appreciate the value of boundaries. Boundaries set a safe limit and make us accountable. As humans, I now believe this is something we need for our general health and well-being.

Now I am grown up (ish), I choose to be accountable to others. It helps me to be disciplined and productive if I am to report success and failure honestly to others. When I gave up drinking, already seven years ago this month, I found it helped to announce the plan to family and to let them hold me accountable. AA was also great for this. To turn up, be transparent and answerable to the group is part of AA’s effectiveness. Of course, this also means others are there for you and they understand.

Another friend has chosen to report her targets and progress to me – also for that external accountability. It can be encouraging to have another celebrate those less public victories and successes.

I have chosen to acknowledge that I am always accountable to El Roi, to God who sees what is done, even in secret; to God who loves me unconditionally. I find the simplicity of keeping short accounts with my conscience, regularly acknowledging my honest faults and failings, this helps me to grow. I also know that each act of kindness is seen by the one that matters and I do not have to parade my virtues before others. This too is liberating.

I obey my conscience, not to avoid punishment now, but because I am loved.

I am so happy to be accountable to God and to others and to no longer seek to hide myself in the shadows. I find that this makes every thought, word and deed a special gift and a joy.

What are your thoughts on accountability?

Who do you consider yourself answerable to?

What are you afraid of?

What are you afraid of?

Many are afraid of death. Most are afraid of pain.

But what is behind the fear; behind the threat, if you like?

For most of my adult life I have been told not to worry and am reminded that the Bible tells us to ‘Be not afraid’. But I was still afraid.

For me, apart from the common fear of annihilation and fear of physical pain and suffering, most often the fears I have are much more difficult to understand or explain – and therefore more difficult to control. These are often experienced as worry, nervousness, anxiety, but can be equally terrifying and debilitating.

We all know about the flight, fight or freeze response to fear of immediate (real or perceived) threat. This bypasses reason and thought, which is why it can be more difficult to control. If we have suffered trauma in the past, this fear response may have become a default response.

This had happened in me. My immediate response was usually to freeze, but later I would look how to run and escape.

These are old scripts and I have (in the last few years) been looking at debunking some of those lies and myths that held me captive to fear for so long.

It’s all well and good to say – ‘Don’t be afraid’ – but what do we do if we are afraid? Today another well-known Bible verse on fear came to me in a whole new light. The verse says:

‘There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,’ (1 John 4:18)

but it then says something I had not seen before; it says

‘because fear has to do with punishment.’

Wow! Yes. I think that is certainly true!

So I allowed my mind to answer the question of what I am generally afraid of, in a day-to-day personality sort of way.

I make myself vulnerable here, but you may resonate with some of this:

I’m afraid you will hate me; you might laugh at me; you might reject me; you might blame me; you might take revenge on me; you might punish me and make me pay; you might smack, starve or torture me; you might hurt those I love; you might abandon me completely; you might turn everybody against me; you might deprive me of something…

Ultimately what you might do is to see me as I truly am and then reject me – confirming my fear that I am an unimportant nobody, a complete waste of space, a mistake to my very core and completely undeserving of any love or warmth from anybody!

If this is true, then you might also infringe on my other fear and physically torture, rape, hurt or in some concrete way annihilate me.

This is big stuff!!!

You know what they say about making a mountain out of a mole-hill, but for some of us, hearing a flippant comment, or considering a job-interview, or being asked a question – such little molehills can cause an unconscious mountain of serious stuff like the freight-train above, to come crashing through our emotions, via our thoughts, and cause us to freeze, fight or run!

We all have very different ways of coping with fear. Ingeniously, apart from the fight, flight or freeze reactions, we devise coping strategies to respond to fear from an early age. We learn these from those closest to us, or we learn by trial and error of what seems to keep us safe.

We may learn to be silent, to disappear, to hide, to please and smile, to cry, to fight, to run away, to scream, or any host of other ways to cope with the perceived threat.

As we grow into an adult, these coping strategies often are no longer helpful in our functioning in the world as an adult. Often the old patterns disable us.

To grow and function well as an adult, we need to find ways to change our thought patterns so that we can rationalise and deal appropriately with things that make us fearful.

So how can we control the feelings of fear? First we can acknowledge the fear and where it is. How does it feel in my body? What thoughts are attached? (Somewhere there is a thought or belief that is making us afraid.) How do I want to respond? (I would write all this down, to hold it still.)

Then I might ask what is real? What is a fact and what is an opinion? (Are you saying I am ugly or that my eyes are blue?) Are any of those thoughts facts? Are they facts that matter? Can I identify and debunk the lies and myths? Are the facts a threat? (When we write these down, some of these look very silly, but be honest, because your thoughts and feelings are never silly!)

An important question might now be to look at what the worst case scenario or outcome might be? What could be the best outcome? And what realistically is likely to happen? Is there a real threat to me or to all I hold dear?

Most of the time, though the feeling of fear is real and we have to move forward despite the fear (we have to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’) in reality the outcome for most of us is that the sky does not come falling down and the mountain is a construct of our imagination that no longer serves our needs as adults in society.

If we focus on the task before us, on how we can serve and contribute to the well-being of others, we take the focus off self and fear of threat to self and we can add positive experiences to the lives of others, to build a culture of love, forgiveness, support and community. We can, for example, take a deep breath and answer the question to the best of our ability, or ask for time to think about it; we can prepare for why we want the job and why we would be good at it and turn up to the interview with all we have to offer; we can think about the flippant comment, the person that made it and decide if any of this is true or relevant, or we can let go and move on to those that matter.

As we learn to recognise old lies and form new strategies we can retrain our minds with truths and helpful thinking patterns.

‘The Lord says, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah41:10

Does this idea of fear being to do with punishment resonate with you?

Can you identify the punishment you are afraid of?

Concerning FEAR

I often write to process ideas and floating thoughts. This morning I am processing some thoughts on FEAR. I capitalise it, because it manifests itself as a very BIG thing.

I’m not an expert in any of this, though I have known the presence of fear for as long as I’ve known life.

I thought it was an emotion, but I think it is deeper and more fundamental than that.

In my humble view, fear is as solid and universal as an instinct – a defence/ protective warning signal for survival. It triggers the fight, freeze or flee response to danger. It has a very important role and if we consider what it is saying, it can protect us from rash, impulsive and dangerous choices.

But it can also be crippling, like a shackle around one’s ankles. It can render a person mute, ineffective and pathologically disabled or ill in many ways.

FEAR made its presence felt in me again last night. I feared my loved ones becoming very ill. I feared becoming ill myself. My chest went tight and my breathing laboured; I felt light-headed and faint. I was aware of the potential for fear to cause me to feel physiologically ill.

Of course for two years now, we have heard the sirens racing alarmingly through the streets, listened to news reports (which I rarely do), had to wear masks, follow precautions, sanitise, socially distance… Whatever we believe about the pandemic, we have been subjected to death statistics, to prolonged lock-downs and closures and to constant news of hospitalisations, illness and threats. Regular life has been suspended and we have all been distanced and put on high-alert. It is the topic of all news and conversations. The UK no longer discuss the weather, but open conversations with “Have you had your booster yet?” and “Where’s your mask?” whilst applying yet more sanitiser from bottles perched on every surface.

The symptoms for many with covid 19 have been coughing, a tight chest and difficulty breathing, so in a state of fear or panic, one feels these sensations, which can spiral into negative thinking, worst-case scenarios and further panic and psychological and physiological anxiety, stress and panic. When panic begins, it can be very difficult to control, but self-control is possible.

My defence strategy, last night, was to breath deeply, to pause and pray and to encourage myself in the truth of the promises of God:

We are constantly told by God to be strong and courageous; to not be afraid, not be terrified and not to faint…

(It is said that the Bible tells us 366 times to ‘not be afraid’ – one for every day, including the leap-year!)

Why not be afraid?

Because God did not give us a Spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind. Because He promises to go with us wherever we are and to never leave us or forsake us…

So how do we do this?

Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:1 – 2)

You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you…

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. (Psalm 91:5-12)

This morning, I could still feel the memory of the panic, but I was no longer carrying the burden. I had listened to God’s word and presented my concerns to God. I expressed my troubles and gave them all to Him who is able to carry them, and now my heart and mind are both at peace. I can now deal rationally with those things that are my responsibility to attend to.

I shall possibly need to remind myself over and over again. I need a treasury of promises on every surface of my mind, with which to sanitise my mind from the virus of fears all around.

If you become afraid, acknowledge it, see what it is trying to tell you. Listen to the warning, but refuse access to the spirit of fear, for that is not from God.

Lean on the Holy Spirit, breath in deeply and cast all of your concerns, worries, fears, requests on the God who cares for you.

Encourage yourself in the promises God makes to those who put their trust in Him.

May you enter 2022 in the Spirit of Power, of Love and of a sound mind, knowing that God is FOR you, He is with you and He loves you with an everlasting love.

And encourage those around you, helping them to carry their burdens and comforting them with the comfort you have received.

Be blessed. Thank you for reading.

What are you looking for?

What are you looking for? Do you know? Do you know what you want? What you believe? Do you know what is good and bad? What is true and right, or wrong? Does it change from day to day?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to test or trick you.

I was thinking about questioning and doubt. About its presence, its bad reputation and its value. How does doubt and questioning make you feel?

I like to be safe and to be right and sure. Don’t you? So unknowing, doubt, insecurity – such shifting sands make us feel out of control, vulnerable, insecure – and to avoid this we seek information to bolster our understanding… to know, to be certain… and for our faith – in whatever it may be – to be unswerving and strong. This may be about the basic routines of our day, for example, or our health report, our whereabouts and location when on the move, our plans and preparations for a big event, our political persuasions and support come polling day, our financial safety-nets for retirement, maybe actual insurance policies and guarantees and often our meta-physical persuasions or beliefs and our raison d’etre.

We want assurance, insurance and reassurance again.

I think of adventure quests and heroes in story-books and on film – dangerous quests to find truth, or treasure and for valour and honour – life threatening, self-sacrificing endurance, seeking, for that which is right and true. The stuff that makes heroes. The big questions – the meaning of life and all that. It seems to be part of the heroic side of our nature – to seek wisdom, seek truth at whatever the cost. The Bible is full of such wisdom too – exhortations to seek and find the lost coin, the lost sheep, the ‘pearl of great price’, which cost him all he had. To ‘Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.’  (PROVERBS 4:7) And Solomon’s asking for just wisdom over every other treasure… and so many other examples. Wisdom and truth are seen as great treasure.

When my children were young, they would frequently complain that they had lost something important and had ‘searched everywhere’! I would smile and ask them to look again and this time to actually take their hands out of their pockets and use them to look underneath the piles of stuff!

Because if it were visible, they wouldn’t have lost it!

To seek knowledge, understanding and truth often means to go digging! It means to turn everything upside down, turn it out, get our hands dirty… it means to disrupt our comfort, camp for a while in unknowing, in the unfamiliar and in doubt. It means ‘living from a suitcase’ in questioning and a vulnerable state of being unsure, not at home and not in control. We may have to disrupt and abandon all else… Sometimes it means to admit to ‘not know’ something and occasionally it means to discover that we were partially or fully misinformed, or misunderstood, and to humbly learn…

But we are promised that if we keep on seeking we will find; if we keep on knocking, the door will be opened; and if we keep on asking, we will be answered. We are promised that if we seek Him first, then He will be found and all other things will be given to us as well. Our needs will be met. It is a constant process that we will not come to the end of in this life on earth, and maybe it will continue throughout eternity. I do hope so!

But beware. Be humble. If we seek the truth, we must be prepared to adapt, readjust, enlarge our tent and maybe change our mind. There will be change. When we find what was lost, or find revelation and truth and wisdom, we are forever changed! We have to change, for growth is change. We have to be prepared to expand our limited thinking if we want to seek truth. New wine goes in new wine-skins.

Some say “What is truth?” They say that there are many truths – for each of us, our own truth. Some say that we find what we are looking for, and that we each find something different. Some say there is but one truth. Jesus says that He is “the way, the truth and the life”. Whatever the truth is, we are encouraged to seek it. It is not something to fear, but it is something to make space for, to humble ourselves to receive. For His ways are not our ways. His ways are higher and above and beyond all we could ever fathom or imagine… But trust Him. Life is constant growth and constant change. We will never know everything in this short life on earth, but we should not be afraid to learn new things.

We are invited to seek wisdom, to seek understanding, to seek growth, truth and life.

What an adventure!

It was in the plan!

Last week, while scribbling out my pen and paper rant on freedom, I also had a go at God, (which I chose to omit from the blog) for giving us this so-called ‘free-will’, but knowing the mess and suffering it would cause. I felt, as I considered the ‘options’, that ‘free-will’ had been a mistake, and not real freedom, as it felt like another, “Do it my way or die!”

I didn’t publish that thought, or a few others, as it was already becoming too complex for my little brain to hold together in one post, but I had asked God the question and a couple of days later, a clarity and peace infused my fragile doubts with a sweet smile. I will share those thoughts that were given to me:

The answer I heard, soothing my itching distractions, was that God knew! He knew we would make mistakes all the time. He knew it would take us lifetimes to learn. He knew we’d never get everything perfect, BUT He cherishes our freedom, He cherishes our feeble attempts, He cherishes our creative, eruptions of joy and kindness and love, because they are real expressions of a love response. We are made in the image of Creator God who is love. Just like we love to receive and treasure those cards and offerings lovingly made by our adoring children, so does father God enjoy our love offerings.

AND He KNEW we would need direction and teaching and He PROVIDED it. He knew we would need a role model, constant support and encouragement and He provided it. He knew we would need forgiveness over and over again AND an ‘out of jail free’ pass. He knew and He planned and provided for it all, before He even created us. At human creation, in God’s own image, the redemption plan was already in place, even then. God knew that He would love us to death, that He would become one like us, and with us, and have to sacrifice His life, so that we can be free of death, to be one with Him in His Kingdom and glorious delight. But He knew. It was not a mistake or a trick or an illusion. (Now as I read this back, I’m reminded of Max Lucado’s excellent story, ‘Because I love you” – He made the wall, with a hole in, and a staff to come find us when we climb through the hole!)

God provided for us a Perfect Role-model, directions, a conscience, support, encouragement, love, mercy, forgiveness, healing, restoration, the Holy Spirit to remind us of what is good – He gave Himself as our deliverer and Redeemer. So what do we need to do? We need to listen to the guidance He gives and to know that every time we slip or tumble, we can admit it, repent and get back up for another go. Persevere in doing good. Always get back up.

That love is an example for how we are to live, for our children and for one another. Not just forgiving ‘my brother’ when he says sorry, but a constant holding lightly of our strict expectations of perfection. Forgive as He has forgiven me. Let me give you room to practice using your own feet and discover your own wings, not shackle you to the confines of my own limitation. Let me be expansive with my children and myself and to remove the concept of ‘failure’ as that ugly, smelly, untouchable thing to be feared, but to look at it as an opportunity to learn, to be humble, to grow and stretch out my wings…

Lord, if you give someone freedom, you give them freedom to make mistakes and get it wrong – let me give others freedom to make mistakes and get it wrong too and allow for that in how I live – to encourage, support, tolerate, love – as others also make mistakes… just like young infants learning to walk or talk, we don’t punish them for not speaking a clear sentence, we coo and clap and encourage each sound and attempt and we cherish it.

The stress and devastation of perceived personal failure can leave people in utter despair. The stress of expectation for achievement and acquisition in our world and communities can seem unbearable.

Let us offer an antidote to these cruel pressures and offer encouragement and support to choose life-affirming things, remembering that we need role-models to show us healthy, excellent ways to live, we need unconditional love, ready forgiveness and grace to support and restore the falling and fallen… we need this in our homes, relationships, schools, churches and communities.

We need to encourage one another to ‘have a go’, to ‘follow our dream’, to ‘step out of our comfort-zone’, to try something different, to create something new – to re-create a culture of exploration and creativity, but before we do this, we need to acknowledge, that like the baby learning to walk, that our new venture and our daring to change may land us on our bottom or nose, time after time, it may hurt and seem hopeless, but with practice and perseverance and baby-steps… one step at a time, one day at a time, one smile at a time, one more encouraging word… How many times? “Seventy times seven” – every time!

imperfectly full of treasured love.

Single-parent families

Last week I told a story about how speaking out saved a duckling and potentially saved other accidents… the previous week I spoke about violence, especially violence against women. There is a theme on my heart that I seem to be skirting around, but it could be expressed as concern for the ‘orphans and widows’ – often the weak, the vulnerable, those who have nobody else to speak up on their behalf. There are many vulnerable groups, but I want to focus on these.

Orphans and widows, according to Scripture, are very much a priority on God’s heart and God exhorts us over and again to look after them… God says He hears their cries. They are still real and visible in our society and yet for whatever reasons, we often do not see them. In many ways in modern Europe, aside from actual widows and orphans, single-parent families can also be placed in the category of orphans and widows – for whilst the other parent may still be living (and therefore those left behind are not orphans and widows in the strictest sense), they share the same burdens of societal shame and of practical and financial stress. As with orphans and widows, there is a sense of the woman and children being left without protection, without emotional, practical and financial support, etc.; often without respite from caring, or time at all for oneself, partly because living as extended families is no longer the norm. Often they are also heart-broken and suffering a sense of bereavement and loss too. I say woman, because it is most often the single mum, though increasingly it is the father, who takes custody of the children and sometimes it is a grandparent… In many Western countries there is some financial support for single-parent families, but the rest of their needs often remain invisible to society. I also know that there are many couples who struggle in their lives together, those with children and those without. I’m not saying that couples who stay together with their children have no needs, because I know that they do. I myself, as a child, often wished that my father would leave my mother, or vice-versa, but he never did and she never did. But in this piece of writing, I want to focus on the needs of single parents, who are most often, but not always, mums.

I would like us to draw our attention to these unseen, and frequently therefore, unmet needs. I think of this because I get it. I have been there for many years. And I see both sides. For the single parent, one of the unseen needs is for adult company, friendship and emotional support. In many ways, single unmarried women also share many of the challenges that I highlight here. There is nobody to come home to and to share ones joys, delights, burdens and stresses. Nobody. Nobody for whom you are that one special person. Nobody who shares that love and concern you have for your children. I particularly want to point out one phenomenon that may never have occurred to someone who has never experienced being single, but is very real to those that are – and that is that one is very rarely invited out – even by friends or by church family.

We have arranged an evening dinner for friends – for him and her, Mr and Mrs, this couple and that couple, but what do we do about you as a single parent? There are obvious reasons of course – you’d probably have to arrange a babysitter for the children or some other childcare? Or maybe you’d feel like a gooseberry, if everyone else is in couples? Or maybe you are always tired by 8pm, having had the children since 6am? Or maybe it’s awkward when everyone else is in couples – who would you be seated with? Would we have to do some ‘match-making’? And we wouldn’t want the children to come, it’s not suitable…. And we’ve never been invited to dinner at yours! Perhaps there are also deeper issues that we are not prepared to address? Maybe there’s a fear that there’s something wrong with you – after all, one of you in the couple walked out? Who’s fault was it really? It takes two to tango! Do you have commitment issues? Can you be trusted? You may have emotional needs and other needs we are not prepared or equipped to meet? What if you break-down and talk all night about your problems? Or maybe you want to steal one of our husbands? Of course we don’t really think that… not out loud, anyway!

When I lived in London, as a single mother for my two young boys, I was introduced to a ministry called ‘CHEER’ set up by a wonderful single mum, Cherie Coleman, who gets it. Once a month on a Saturday, me and the boys travelled across London to what they looked forward to as their “Party Church”, where they were greeted enthusiastically by a fabulous group of people who gave them an amazing few hours of fun, food, toys and love. Us single mums were taken for a fantastic breakfast, were treated like special, trusted friends, were led in a time of worship, with freedom and time to pray for one another. There was usually a speaker to inspire us on some issues that one encounters when raising children as a single parent , but often we also just told our own stories – and people listened, they cared, they didn’t judge… because they get it! They had empathy, most of them, but others were there to help and to serve, because they had compassion and the cause of modern-day orphans and widows had been placed on their hearts. One of the single mums back then now also is a married woman and a pastor and runs a similar group in North London – Fresh Start Single Parents Ministry. She picked up the baton and has gone on to serve the needs of other single parents in her neighbourhood.

Are we aware of the single parents in our neighbourhood and in our church – even in our own families? Do we pray for them? Are we aware of their needs, but also of their talents, giftings and passions. Do we trust them, accept them and make provision and allowance for them to join in, or do we sub-consciously discriminate against them? Do we step up on behalf of their children and be family, be healthy role models to them? Do we pray for all of our families, no matter what shape they are?

Bear them in mind.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

Rescue the ducklings?

There’s a theme going on for me at the moment and experience tells me therefore to listen to what wisdom is saying.

Have you ever had the experience of discovering something that you were not aware of before, but then suddenly, now you have noticed it, it pops up everywhere? Suddenly it’s in the shops, the books you read and comes up in conversations… It was always there of course, but the thing that has changed is your awareness of it.

I’m going to express some of the themes arising for me, through these blogs, as I did last week. Some of the thought processing is still a little jumbled.

First I need to tell you a little story:

About 5 weeks ago, I took my grandchildren for an afternoon in a large country park that I love. We were 2 adults and 2 infants – a two-year old and a four-year old. At one point, after already over 2 hours playing with sticks and rocks beside the lake as we meandered around it, we came across a small tributary to the lake, that feeds in from the marina; this part is called ‘the Sweetener’ and has a metal grill over the bit of water closest to the grass. I went with the four-year old to look at the algae and insects through the grill, noticing a gap of about a foot between the 2 grill coverings… suddenly my grandson jumped into the gap, thinking that the lush-green algae was grass! He disappeared under the water! Of course I fell to my knees, reached into the water and grabbed him and pulled him out and he was shaken and wet, but was fine, thanks be to God. Later the images began to haunt me of what could have happened if I had not been at his side and not seen where he had gone… I discovered that dogs and rabbits are frequently having to be rescued from that patch of water, also mistaking the algae for grass. I knew that I needed to speak up and say something to prevent further disasters, but to whom? Looking on websites and speaking to others I decided to contact the council – I did this, as directed, by email and by phone, but was not satisfied that it would get any further than an in-tray or locked away in a file. So I found a number for the park and eventually spoke to a person who managed the park and he told me all about what the Sweetener was for and said he would go right-away to assess the health and safety of the area in light of my report. This made me feel much better and like I had done all I could to prevent further accidents. Two weeks later I walked the park again, only to discover that nothing had been done at all – it was still exactly the same. Last week I returned to the park and saw a patrol car with a pair of community officers in it by the lake and it occurred to me to report the issue to them and ask them to look at it with me. They were from the Council, so I felt very foolish doing this and every part of me rose up to dissuade me from saying anything, but I marched over to the car and told them the story. They drove round to the spot and I walked over and spoke with them there. There was a little duckling trapped under the first grill nearest the grass… clearly he had bobbed under the water for a snack, popped up on the wrong side and was unable to get back to his mother, who was not far away and was watching intently. The poor little duckling was disturbed also by our presence and got his little head stuck through the grill and the officer was trying to poke his beak back through, but feared the duckling had snapped his neck, as he was very still… at this point a small crown had gathered and a lady had a ball-thrower for the dog, which served as a long-handled scoop-spoon and finally the officer freed the duckling’s beak from it’s prison, he popped back up alive, and they used the ball-thrower to scoop the duckling to the side, where the officer grabbed the frightened little thing and tossed him back into the other side to his mother. We all applauded! Then the officer fetched some bright yellow plastic and tied it across the two grills to alert others of the danger for those thinking the algae is grass. He also said he would report the whole thing and his intervention to the warden on his way out. Meanwhile another chap came over and asked “Is this cos of the kid that fell in last year and all the dogs that fall in?” I explained.

As I came away I felt much better. If I had not spoken up, the duckling would not have been rescued from his prison, but I knew that the duckling was a bonus! I have told this story to a few friends who it seems all know a similar story of children and animals mistaking algae for grass. Now I have my own story. Despite feeling stupid, I spoke up, not once, not twice, but until something was done. The rescue of the duckling was a bonus and a lesson to me and to the officer, I believe. I spoke up because I had had an experience that made me aware of the issue. I get it. It’s like that with many issues in life; when we are aware of it we can do something about it. If something had happened that only affected me, I would perhaps have not had the courage to report the incident, but when a loved one is endangered, somehow the courage to protect and speak up to meet the needs of others is found more easily.

It’s not true that other people don’t care about things that some of us struggle with, it’s just that they may not see the problem or solution, they haven’t experienced it and just don’t get it. I will continue this theme. Last week I wrote about violence against women mainly – because I get it – not because I’m not aware or don’t care as much about any other victims of violence, but because, as a girl and a woman, I’ve been there and I get it. I’m not alone in that experience.

I can speak for women who can’t speak. And if I speak, it gives permission for another eventually to say, “Can I tell you my story?”

This brings healing, relationship, compassion, community and hope for change. And it brings joyful surprises – remember the duckling. Look out for the ducklings – the little bonuses as you reach out and speak up for yourself and for others.

Speak up!

“We must speak up and do something”

It won’t come as a surprise to anybody that there is a great deal of injustice in the world. But I am frequently surprised at the extent of it and its insidious, all-pervasive nature. For example, I learned today that, according to United Nations statistics, over the last year, 9 million adolescent girls experienced forced sexual abuse¹. That is 9 million girls whose names we don’t know – but what of all those who were too scared or too ashamed to tell? Throughout history, in different shapes and colours, in every corner and under every canopy around the globe, we hear of atrocities perpetrated against other human beings in the name of some exclusive cause or another and we are outraged and shrug; but the abuse and atrocities that occur within our own communities, our work-places, even our churches and our own families, these are the ones we somehow are ignorant of, or choose to remain silent about. Often we don’t really know what is happening. We don’t really want to know, because we don’t like violence, fear, abuse and obscenity and we don’t want to think about it or upset anybody. Also we are scared of the obligation to act if we do acknowledge an injustice and we don’t know what we can do. “We don’t want to get involved.”

Over this past year or so, better late than never, society took note and showed outrage at examples of such injustices. The murders of George Floyd and Sarah Everard were two named representations of the wider, collective experience for millions of women and millions of black people. These two have names that we have taken notice of.

There is so much abuse, discrimination and injustice in our ‘civilised’ society, but in this short article I just want to focus briefly on just some aspect of the domestic abuse. More uncomfortable statistics tell us that EVERY DAY 137 women are KILLED by male family members – husbands, fathers, brothers; but again, these are only those who dared to tell. When it happens in my house, I don’t report it because I am ashamed of my weakness and afraid of repercussions if I should tell. And I don’t tell because you keep telling me its my own fault, I brought it on myself; I’m not good enough and got what I deserved and if I tell, I’ll get what I do deserve. I am wrong and if I tell, nobody will believe me and they will also know how bad I am. We don’t tell, can’t tell; we can’t bring shame on family, can’t bring shame on the company, shame on the church, shame on the government… Can we? 1 in 4 women will be subject to domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime. Are you shocked?

Man, I’m sure you are not one of these abusers, but that woman could be your daughter, your wife, your mother? If so, what can we do for her now? Can we make sure that our churches, our homes and our communities are safe places and a refuge for those abused, lonely and scared for their lives? Are we prepared to help?

Woman, if it happened to you, I’m so sorry! And I understand the pain. Tell your story – first tell yourself and then tell somebody you trust. When we find our authentic voice we can speak up and others can listen, comfort and support; and maybe we can educate others, engage in dialogue and pave the way for others to speak out and make the issues visible, because we are not alone.

There are no simple solutions, but we can listen to one another’s experiences (and those that shock us) and we can listen with love and offer support where possible. We hope that an abused person can escape their abuser, but this is often impossible. Domestic abuse and work-place abuse, bullying, racism, sexism, all other ‘isms’ – these are areas that our churches and schools and councils could speak out against. If you want to find out what the church can to to speak into and change culture and you want to join a conversation addressing violence against women, go to eauk.org/bekahlegg

Do what you can, not what you can’t. If we don’t like the litter we can pick it up and teach our children not to drop it. If we see a danger, or issue, or injustice we can do our homework and research solutions to a problem, we can report it, or solve it, or ask for help. We can engage the media, sign petitions, write a letter, join a campaign, we can pray for victims and bullies, even for our enemies, and we can tell our story, tell another’s story, shout about it from the pulpits. Whilst you have a voice, use it for good – to speak out, to comfort, to encourage, to pray, to raise awareness… We can create a culture, create a church and a community that is safe and inclusive and that does not tolerate injustice, but does give second chances, does forgive and does reflect our God of love and mercy. Speak up about injustice happening to you and around you, tell a friend and start a small support team, pray about it and use whatever is in your hand to be an advocate, a voice and a safe refuge and support for someone who needs you.

I’m reminded of an oft-quoted gut-puncher, by Martin Niemoeller², speaking of the cowardice of silence and of personal responsibility:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

‘First they came…’ 1946

1eauk.org/bekahlegg

2 Martin Niemöller

Catholic with a small c or a big C?

I was asked to write an article about why I became a member of the Catholic Church. That happened 4^th June 1988 – 33 years to the day – so I will now share the story briefly.

During my childhood, my parents were not Christian, but they encouraged me to join the Brownies-Guides, and so I had become familiar with the life within a lively Methodist Church throughout my junior and adolescent years. I had not known Jesus personally though, until I was ‘born again’ at 12 years and baptised at 19 years, in a Pentecostal-style church.

Even as a young Christian, one of the most beautiful parts of the Bible, to me, was Jesus’ prayer recorded in John 17. I fell in love with this Jesus, who prayed that His disciples would be one with Him and with each other, but also prayed for “all who would ever come to faith” in Jesus, that they too would be one with Jesus, the Father and the Spirit and one with each other. This prayer for unity has been my deepest prayer all my Christian life.

The Trinity is a perfect example of divine unity. And Jesus, the Son, prayed:

11 “Holy Father, I am about to leave this world to return and be with you, but my disciples will remain here. Holy Father, each one that you have given me, keep them in your name so that they will be united as one, even as we are one…

20 “And I ask not only for these disciples, but also for all those who will one day

believe in me through their message. I pray for them all to be joined together as one even as you and I, Father, are joined together as one. I pray for them to become one with us so that the world will recognize that you sent me. For the very glory you have given to me I have given them so that they will be joined together as one and experience the same unity that we enjoy.

You live fully in me and now I live fully in them so that they will experience perfect unity, and the world will be convinced that you have sent me, for they will see that you love each one of them with the same passionate love that you have for me.

John 17

I have always been upset to hear Christians speaking against other denominations – usually it is ‘happy-clappy’ versus ‘institutional’ types broadly – and I find myself often defending the ‘other side’ wherever I am. At the age of 20 I moved to Germany for a couple of years and felt challenged to find a church family where I would feel at home. I used the opportunity to learn and to become a member of four very different church communities. And I loved them all! There was the Evangelische church in the village and a ‘house-group’ belonging to them; the Katholische church in the village (the Evangelisch and Katholisch churches in Germany are roughly the equivalent of our C of E and Catholic churches in UK); I joined the ‘Free-Church’ in the city of Heidelberg and a ‘Taizé prayer and praise’ group. I loved the whole concept of Taizé and made several visits to the Taizé community in France – a beautifully multi-denominational and multi-national community of Christians.

I was seeking, asking questions, participating and learning… Three years later I was kneeling in a Holy Spirit-filled, Catholic seminary, in central London, and I had a vision-type experience: I saw a mighty oak tree, with a strong broad trunk, splitting into two wide branches, spreading out into ever smaller branches, carrying simultaneously both pretty, scented blossoms and wholesome fruit. I knew it was a lesson and the Holy Spirit showed me that the beautiful fruit and blossom on the tiny branches is only possible because they are part of and feeding from the whole tree. I was shown that the root of the tree was God’s chosen people from before Abraham and was shown how Jesus planted His church there, in that rich soil of the cross on Calvary, and it grew into a solid trunk through the early Church and has split and divided, through Orthodox, Roman, Protestant and hundreds of smaller communities, but continues to bear fruit and to flourish, because it has its roots in Jesus and the purpose of God.

To this end of unity and foundation, I became a part of the Catholic Church (with a big C!) on 4^th June 1988. I later married in the Catholic Church and I spent over 15 years teaching in Catholic schools. I became a Catholic to fully embrace all of the Christian church. This was the path I was led to.

As Christians today, we are part of a rich heritage of faith in Christ, stemming back to those first disciples for which Jesus prayed. Personally, I will pray and worship God with any group of believers who follow the teachings of Jesus and believe that He is the Son of the living God. But I don’t want to spread myself too thinly and relationships take time to build, so in terms of daily life and time restraints today, the church I mainly serve is an active, more evangelical-type community. But I am glad to attend Mass and worship Jesus in that community whenever I can too.

I am very much catholic Christian – with a small c – in that I describe myself as Christian first and feel myself to be one with the whole universal church in my heart. The Catholic Church has many failings and shall be judged no less than the rest of the church, for the disrepute we have brought to the house of God. As for the atrocities perpetrated in the name of religion, which have actually had nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus, but are politics of power, hatred and greed, masquerading as ‘just causes’ – these will also be judged by God, who knows the heart of man. Those first disciples failed Jesus, even that very night that He prayed, but they repented, committed themselves to Him and He never left them. The church is always imperfect, as each member is imperfect, and will be that way until Jesus returns to take His Bride to Himself. As someone once quipped – if you ever find a perfect church, don’t join it, or else you will have spoiled it. But Jesus has built His church, He is preparing His Bride, and has promised that the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it.

Jesus is still interceding for His church, for us, that we be one with Him and with each other, just as He is one with the Father and Holy Spirit. We cannot afford to be divided. People are watching us – when the unbelieving world sees how much we love one another, will they not see and believe? When people witness our unity, patience, peace, tolerance, humility, service and unconditional love for our brothers and sisters world over, won’t Jesus’ prayers for us be answered? Won’t His name be glorified when our lives thus reflect His love and won’t then His Kingdom come and His will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven?

May be be one. Amen.

Law and Grace

In the Beginning… and the Word became flesh and lived among us…

A fountain of life was in him, for his life is light for all humanity

Today I had a mini-revelation that has really blessed me through the day and I want to share it with you.

It came from reading from The Passion Translation (TPT) of the New Testament, in John’s gospel. I am reading it online where there is access to abundant notes peppered throughout the whole scriptures, enlightening my knowledge and understanding of both the linguistic meaning and the cultural/political meaning of words and phrases in the historical context. (It’s fascinating but also very slow going for me, as I’m too nosey to miss out any notes!)

The understanding is this:

1 – Moses brought the law to the people. Moses’ first miracle, as such, was turning water into blood… it was then also blood that spared the people from the angel of death. The people were released then from their slavery and bondage in Egypt…

but…

2 – Jesus brought Grace to the people. His first public miracle was turning water into wine – celebration of life and abundance – and it was Jesus’ own blood that freed us from slavery and bondage and spared us from eternal death.

Moses brought the Law and with the Law comes judgment; Jesus brings Grace and with Grace comes LIFE.

You can read it here, in John Chapter 1:

“15 John announced the truth about him when he taught the people,

“He’s the One! He’s the One I’ve been telling you would come after me, even though he ranks far above me, because he existed before I was even born.”

16 And from the overflow of his fullness we received grace heaped upon more grace! (Or “one gracious gift after another.”)

17 Moses gave us the Law, but Jesus, the Anointed One, unveils truth wrapped in tender mercy.”*

(1:17 Moses was the lawgiver, Jesus is the grace-giver. In the first miracle of Moses, he turned water into blood, resulting in death. In the first miracle of grace, Jesus turned water into wine, resulting in life and celebration.)

The Passion Translation (and TPT notes)

For anyone wanting to look at it in a Bible-reading plan online see – https://my.bible.com/en-GB