I celebrate my ‘second’ birthday… why not, as a daughter of the King?
I remember that day – 11/11/84 – A day I’ll never forget.
I was so so scared! I see myself standing on the podium, with a glass lectern in front of me and a microphone and I see a huge crowd of people… I see two ex boyfriends in the crowd – one would also be baptised today, the other thought me as mad as a fish and had recently dumped me, because I had become so radical! I see my new boyfriend – a German Catholic from a large family in the North, looking bemused and lost, but there for me to witness my baptism – they all were – even my sister and her fella… but I had to give my testimony to all these… I had written it down, but as I stood there I was stuck, frozen, mute like in thick treacle… I could hardly see my script, or my hands, and I could not hear my voice… I don’t recall speaking, just standing terrified! And yet, I was so excited! Believe me, this was me being brave, being a witness to Christ in my life. How pathetic I felt too. This was me stepping out boldly, in faith, believing that God would give me the words to say. “Jesus take me as I am”, was my song that day.
I had such hope that day; real hope, despite my terrible nerves. For the first time ever, I knew, I believed, that I was truly born again. I was completely washed clean in that baptismal pool and forgiven on that day. I was born again by the Holy Spirit, even a born-again virgin! I had believed I was ‘saved’ long before that day, back in August 1977, but now I was certain. Theologically I may have been ‘born-again’ before my baptism, but that was the day I knew it for sure. I KNEW I was forgiven and clean of all guilt and all sin and all shame. This was a momentous, unforgettable day. I was a new creation, the old had gone and the new had come. I am so grateful to God for His mercy and love, but also grateful to the 19 year old me, who stood before the crowd, scared, courageous and excited that day.
I wondered why that day in 1984 was so different from the day for the 12 year old in 1977? But that little girl was so scared and damaged and so full of mistrust, that when she met Jesus, she gave Him her heart and she hid in Him. He was her safe place, her refuge, her comfort and her hiding place. He was her light, He was beautiful, gentle, kind, lovely and her heart’s desire was to be like Him. Her two songs were “Jesus, how lovely You are” and “To Be Like Jesus”. These were her songs and her prayer. She hid in Him over the next 7 difficult years, learning to trust Him, learning that He was not her fairy-godmother and things were not as black and white as she thought. Every week, she gave her heart afresh to Jesus and asked forgiveness, repenting of her many sins… Learning that we all had good, bad and ugly in us… I am so inexplicably grateful to Jesus for picking up that broken, scared little girl and holding her safe enough to begin to knit her back together… and I am grateful for that little girl, for the disappointed, frightened adolescent and the rebellious, heart-broken teenager – that she saw You, Jesus, held on to You and never lost sight of Your mercy.
Jesus never left me, though I was sporadic and unfaithful in my behaviour, before and after my baptism, but I never left Him either.
I learned to trust Him, as I grew up and learned to know Him more. I was a mess, but God is more powerful, more patient, more wise and more everything than I could ever have imagined. He didn’t lift me out of the mess, as I wanted, (though I suspect He saved me from more than I’ll ever know) but He did bring me faithfully through the mess and, true to God’s hallmark, my mess has become my message.
Those five loaves I gave Him have become over 12 baskets full of leftovers!
My Jesus wastes nothing!
Today I thank and honour my God who has been faithful and gracious to me, since before I ever knew Him, but I want to honour Him today for taking hold of me in 1977 and giving me a hiding place of safety and a light in my darkness. And I want to honour Him for protecting and nurturing me until I had courage to stand before that crowd and be publicly baptised in the name of the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit. 36 years later, on this day I shall never forget, I want to honour Him for His continued mighty patience, forgiveness, mercy, grace and love, and for the gift of abundant, eternal life! All glory be to God.
His mercies are new every morning. ALL our sins can be forgiven because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. My life is a testament to His love and His saving grace.
If you, reading this today, do not KNOW that your sins are forgiven, please speak out to Jesus now. He is the son of God who died on the cross so that you can be forgiven and have abundant, eternal life – NOW. Don’t waste another day. Today is a day to remember. Make it your re-birthday.