Over 5 blessed years ago already!!
Physical pain of bitter, constant cold, hunger,
slaps, canes and beatings
Fear, terror of these – fear of annihilation, fear of pain.
Fear of death, knives and guns
Unpredictable, threatening,
lurking
lurking
– a Russian roulette..
Fear of emotional pain, emotional torture
Cos it’s all my fault.
I am bad, wrong, a burden
I owe them,
I must repay and make it better
But I cannot –
I’m not good enough, big enough, strong enough or clever enough.
Lonely, empty, lost and afraid,
wandering, day-dreaming, alone.
Looking for comfort, for friendship, for warmth, safety, acceptance…
I need to escape, to hide, to somehow survive and get away –
but where to?
I focus on the beauty around me
Beauty of amazing, glorious mystery
Creation – so delicate, vulnerable, persistent and powerful –
A gift into my emptiness.
I love the world and all of creation.
I want to love and…
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